I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize