bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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