I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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