I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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