so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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