hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
