I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Found your dick twin last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
