ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
