You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
