Your face is a jimmy john
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
