I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
