I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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