If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
