I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
