I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
