1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
