Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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