I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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