Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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