No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
