What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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