I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
