just come out here and I will go home with you...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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