Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
