FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
