Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
