JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
