Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
