He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
