I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize