he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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