you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
