Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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