dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize