I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
