And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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