Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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