What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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