It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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