I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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