No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
