Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
