you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
