If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i think my mom watched the whole time
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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