WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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