Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
