i think my tv is drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
