I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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