Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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