i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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