look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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