Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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