areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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