YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
