what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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