I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
