Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
