once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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