Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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