Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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