I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i would one night stand the shit outta him
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
