no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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