i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
