My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
