it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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