if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
