He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
