hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
