Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
