she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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