We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
