I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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