kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
