Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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