Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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