3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
