I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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