I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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